These Advice given by My Parent That Helped Us during my time as a First-Time Father

"I believe I was merely trying to survive for twelve months."

One-time reality TV cast member Ryan Libbey thought he would to handle the challenges of becoming a dad.

Yet the actual experience soon became "very different" to what he'd imagined.

Life-threatening health complications around the birth saw his partner Louise hospitalised. Suddenly he was pushed into acting as her primary caregiver as well as taking care of their newborn son Leo.

"I handled each nighttime feed, every nappy change… every walk. The role of mother and father," Ryan stated.

After 11 months he burnt out. That was when a talk with his own dad, on a public seat, that helped him see he required support.

The simple phrases "You're not in a good place. You must get assistance. What can I do to help you?" opened the door for Ryan to speak honestly, seek support and regain his footing.

His situation is commonplace, but seldom highlighted. While society is now more comfortable talking about the stress on moms and about postpartum depression, not enough is spoken about the challenges dads go through.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to ask for help

Ryan thinks his difficulties are part of a broader inability to talk between men, who often internalise negative ideas of masculinity.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the harbour wall that just gets smashed and stays upright every time."

"It is not a sign of weakness to request help. I failed to do that quick enough," he adds.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist focusing on mental health before and after childbirth, notes men can be reluctant to acknowledge they're struggling.

They can believe they are "not a legitimate person to be asking for help" - especially in preference to a mother and child - but she emphasises their mental state is equally important to the household.

Ryan's conversation with his dad gave him the opportunity to request a break - going on a couple of days overseas, away from the home environment, to gain perspective.

He understood he required a adjustment to focus on his and his partner's emotions in addition to the logistical chores of taking care of a infant.

When he was honest with Louise, he realised he'd missed "what she longed for" -reassuring touch and paying attention to her words.

'Parenting yourself

That epiphany has changed how Ryan perceives being a dad.

He's now composing Leo regular notes about his journey as a dad, which he wishes his son will look at as he matures.

Ryan hopes these will help his son to better grasp the expression of emotional life and understand his parenting choices.

The concept of "self-parenting" is something musician Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since having his son Slimane, who is now four.

During his childhood Stephen lacked consistent male guidance. Even with having an "amazing" connection with his dad, profound trauma meant his father had difficulty managing and was "in and out" of his life, affecting their connection.

Stephen says bottling up emotions led him to make "bad choices" when younger to alter how he felt, finding solace in alcohol and substances as escapism from the anguish.

"You gravitate to substances that don't help," he explains. "They might temporarily change how you feel, but they will ultimately exacerbate the problem."

Strategies for Getting By as a First-Time Parent

• Open up to someone - when you are under pressure, speak to a family member, your other half or a therapist about your state of mind. Doing so may to lighten the load and make you feel less isolated.
• Maintain your passions - make time for the pursuits that allowed you to feel like yourself before the baby arrived. It could be exercising, meeting up with mates or playing video games.
• Look after the physical stuff - nutritious food, getting some exercise and when you can, getting some sleep, all play a role in how your mental state is doing.
• Meet other first-time fathers - listening to their journeys, the difficult parts, as well as the joys, can help to validate how you're experiencing things.
• Remember that asking for help isn't failing - prioritising your own well-being is the optimal method you can care for your loved ones.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen understandably struggled to accept the passing, having been out of touch with him for a long time.

As a dad now, Stephen's determined not to "repeat the pattern" with his boy and instead give the safety and emotional guidance he lacked.

When his son starts to have a outburst, for example, they practise "shaking the feelings out" together - processing the frustrations safely.

The two men Ryan and Stephen state they have become more balanced, healthier men due to the fact that they acknowledged their struggles, altered how they talk, and figured out how to regulate themselves for their kids.

"I'm better… sitting with things and handling things," states Stephen.

"I wrote that in a note to Leo the other week," Ryan adds. "I expressed, at times I believe my job is to instruct and tell you on life, but in reality, it's a two-way conversation. I am discovering as much as you are through this experience."